I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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