My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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