i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I need moral support for this bender
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
