I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
