Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
