the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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