Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
