you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
