My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
