I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
