he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
