2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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