He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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