You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
