When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
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