I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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