This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
