like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
