Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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