Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
