how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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