i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
