that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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