I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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