i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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