If that was your dad, he is hot
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
