Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
