Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
