Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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