I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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