mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
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