some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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