Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The feeling are messing with the penis
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
