Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
