sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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