What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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