Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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