I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
