Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
