he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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