my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
