Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
