you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
