Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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