im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
be right there i have to get my cape
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
