Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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