She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
How does one acquire holy water?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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