Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
