he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
