I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
