My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
