My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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