My sheets look like a crime scene.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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